We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
