I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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