Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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