She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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