The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
