I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
