NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
