1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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