i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
