We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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