It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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