i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
