They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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