just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
