New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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