a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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