But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
