I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
