I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
