What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
