I met the friendliest cop last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
