You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
