wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize