walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
