she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
