I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
