Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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