Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this boner is exhausting
We are two peas in an std pod
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
