Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
