how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
