Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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