Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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