I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
