whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
