my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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