Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
