Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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