Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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