Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
