What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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