A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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