All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
