dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Mom said you looked used
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
