ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
