I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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