How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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