My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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