In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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