Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
