my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
