An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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