I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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