i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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