i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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