u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
