Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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