# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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