he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
