Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
