good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
