You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
