Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
