she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize