I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
