After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Your dad touched me again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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