im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
