One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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