i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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