hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
