I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
