Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
