whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
