Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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