I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
