I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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