I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
