Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
