He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
