I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
