I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
