we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
