If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
false alarm, still single
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
