i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
