my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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