We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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