just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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