I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
