Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
