home. puking in laundry basket.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
