Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
