Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
