the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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