Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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