I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
