Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Text me some of your sweat
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
