I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
