Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
