If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
