and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
two words...techno handjob
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
