I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
