He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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