***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
