I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
