there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
