You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
